Conors RantSpace

Something I was randomly pondering

2010-09-28T11:56:00.007+10:00

As humans we often get so many things wrong, one thing we are blatantly wrong about is how we discover ourselves, how we learn about who we are, what we can do etc.

If this matchbox car wants to find out about itself, The best it can do is try to drive over different terrain, by driving on two wheels, driving backward or forward, by asking (this is a metaphor) another car what it is called, it does not discover much more than whether it drives on what terrain, whether it is suited to driving on 2 or 4 wheels and it's brand name and model name. This might be ok for a while but when it wants to find out more, who made it, what it is made of, it can't will that information into being, instead it needs to find it's creator. From whom it can find out exactly what it's made out of, why and how it's made, from which model wheels it uses to the specific mixture of plastics that make up it's body.

In the same way, we humans try traveling different paths in life, try different sexualities, religions, cliques and lifestyles. We ask others to define us, we seek classification and destination. But from these things and people we cannot truly learn much about ourselves, so ultimately we must, like that matchbox car go to our creator, the one who molded us, breathed life in us, who knows how many hairs are on our heads, who has a plan and a purpose for us, in who we can find definition, classification and most importantly; HOPE.

Stop looking inward at yourself to find who you are, what you should do and where you should go, instead look to your creator who can tell you who you are, your worth, what you are to do with this life and where you should go in life.
I can tell you now, seeking different lifestyles or cliques or religions will NOT allow you to find what it is you are seeking, hear me right now, get this:

The hope your heart longs after, the purpose and sense of belonging can ONLY truly be found in the loving arms of our Saviour and Lord Jesus Christ. Anything else is but a facade of fulfillment and hope. Don't settle for a less than satisfying replacement seek after Him who molded you and shaped you, who loves you not because of you, but in spite of you.

So that's what has been bouncing around my skull since thursday, ha ha.

It's hard to imagine right?

2010-07-08T15:51:00.002+10:00

It's hard to imagine, It's hard to understand not wanting to go home.
To see that father so cold and distant, that brother that's never liked it but is too much like his father. The daughter that is selfish and vain. The mother who always yells and never see's him work, it's hard to imagine that he doesn't want to go home.

It's hard to imagine his relationships going well, when he comes from a cold and distant home, it's hard to imagine him loving another when he can't love his family.

But what's harder to imagine is WHAT IS REALLY happening; it's hard to imagine a father who works so hard who comes home so tired and he can't catch a break and they keep wanting more, why can't they see, why is it so hard to imagine what I'm doing for you?

It's hard to imagine a mother who does so much, it's hard to imagine how the frustration feels when all she does is thrown back in her face, when she does so much and tries so hard and all they do is keep asking me for more, what can't they help me?

It's hard to imagine a son seeing in himself the thing he hates to see in his father, it's hard to imagine how he strives to succeed and to provide, to be like the best in his father but only sees the worst in himself, to wonder why can't they see the good in me?

It's hard to imagine a daughter who feels so alone, it's hard to imagine a daughter so starved of love, who comes home and just wants to be told she's loved. To be told she's beautiful, why don't they love me?

It's just so hard to imagine a son so lost, so hurt and so broken who sees in his family so much pain and brokenness so much frustration and weariness, who in himself sees all their worst. Why can't I just be a good son and brother?

It's hard to imagine wanting to go home to a family tearing apart at the seems, it's hard to imagine a family so lost in themselves they can't find each other and make their way home.

It's hard to imagine right?

I wrote this the other day. In my opinion to make a family work, to make relationships work we need to be able to walk in the other persons shoes, whether literally or simply be able to imagine the position they are in.

"A house divided against itself cannot stand" - Abraham Lincoln

It's time for a lot of people to open their eyes and realise in their broken relationships and families, they aren't the only ones hurting, I'm not saying they are wrong, just that understanding and compromise is needed.

We don't need Saving?

2010-05-16T13:47:00.004+10:00

I was again procrastinating assignments this morning when a conversation crossed my mind; so as to set the scene:

It was 7:30am(ish) on a wednesday morning 3 weeks ago there was bout 6-10 guys talking and chilling with coffee after man-prayer (HOORAH!) and Adam brought up a discussion about the new series about to start -Make War!, and we ended up talking about war movies then on to our favourite movies, and Adam says there is such a theme of redemption in every movie, a character doesn't want to help, and is borderline bad, but has a heart change and turns around and saves the day.

Timewarp back to this morning, and I was just pondering this, and I thought yes there is the redemption theme, but more so is there a Saviour theme. What Saviour theme is that Conor? Gee I'm glad you ask! What I mean is, and I've said it before, movies, books, tv shows and a lot of other formats and genre's of entertainment have a main focal character that you warm to because they are a leader and courageous although a little out there and they fight for what is right and good and just, and climax of the movie they die for the cause, only to empower the former followers to greatness and to be deified by said followers.

Now snap to 1882, a book is published: "Die fröhliche Wissenschaft" (The Gay Science...he he) Friedrich Neitzsche states that "Gott ist tot" (God is dead).
Now he doesn't mean dead like how Jesus died on the Cross, but that no more wisdom or knowledge is to be found from religion or any 'god' and as such to take God from a christian belief system the entire system is broken and the purpose and morals are stolen from the ex-believer.

Now again back to current times and we see the world lost and broken, but in it's eyes better than ever, and it is; however it isn't good to one who has had their eyes opened (Christians) as we see that the self-serving, I am my own God, I don't need to be saved way of the world is real and is actually hurting it more than making it 'better'.

So now to tie it all together, in a world that serves self and deifies self and teaches others to do the same, in a world that denies the need for a Saviour, why is it they are so desperate for one? why is it that every movie (within reason) has a saviour figure, why is it that action heroes are so popular and why is it that societies deify sporting figures and 'celebrities' to "heroes" to role models to veritable Saviours. See in my opinion the world doesn't need to be saved from individuality and freedom of thought by so called sporting heroes and celebrity role-models.
The world NEEDS a Saviour, to call them to Him just as they are, to always Love them and always be there for them. I found that in God, in a relationship with Christ. Yet the world has been sold a lie, has been sold a set of rules and values and a 'belief-system' a religion that is not what God intended for us, and with this rip-off religion(s) the world is so turned off of even an idea of a God or Saviour, yet they can't see themselves crying to be saved, and not looking for a Saviour but a hero, another human being who has been deified because of acting or sporting prowess.

I ask you, is there really no need for a God?
Is there really no need for a Saviour?

--open your window, look out with open eyes and open ears and an open heart and hear humanity screaming, crying for a saviour and looking at self and man, instead of looking to God... maybe they need some signs to lead the way..?

Passing of Time

2010-02-17T17:46:00.002+10:00

Yesturday I was young.
Today I was in school being taught.
Tomorrow I'm writting my will.

Life moves on, time passes and life is over.
How did you spend your time?
What legacy do you leave behind?

In twenty years I have learnt how to read and write,
to catch a ball, to hate girls, to like them, to hate them again
and again to like them. I have gotten cut bruised and bumped, I've
coughed sneezed and hiccuped. I've gone to school and graduated from
school. I've learnt to drive a car, I've found my Lord and saviour.
I've gone to University. This very short list categorizes only the
smallest portion of my life, in twenty years can I say I have lived
so much more? can I say I am leaving something behind other than
broken relations and footprints, when I look back another twenty years
after that can I say I have lived a life worthy of the breath in my
lungs, a life worthy of one called to a higher standard? To a higher
purpose? Will I be remembered for trying my hardest and failing? For
struggling and fighting and seeing success? Will I even be remembered?

How will you use your time?
For me, I'll be damned if I let this time, this life, this gift go to waste!

Space

2010-01-23T22:26:00.004+10:00

I was writing a facebook status update about Holes/Spaces/Gaps and noticed the song I was listening to had 'Holes' in it's title and then a thought broke through my consciousness, ever since I returned from Youth/Young Adults camp (Encounter Camp) I realised that a lot of people have been using a common statement, which goes a little something like; "We have spent a week being filled, now it's time to pour out."

See regular people, maybe even you reading this right now (yes you reader!) may only see this as a statement about being filled and pouring out, instead I see it as eluding to the idea that to be filled there must first be a gap or space or hole. Now bear with me, basically I'll just be spilling onto my blog my thoughts and ponderings, maybe even some musings.

So as anyone who has needed information, definitions and even help I turned to google after which I came up with the following definitions:

Space: "You use space to refer to an area that is empty or available. The area can be any size. For example, you can refer to a large area outside as a large open space or to a small area between two objects as a small space."

A hole is defined as: an unoccupied space

Gap: "Something missing from a situation that prevents it being complete or satisfactory."

Now I know you're all(all 3 of you) thinking here comes another God is the only thing to fill the gap or hole in your heart, but alas dear readers I do not dare repeat myself on the subject, instead as I stated above, this post will be the result of a thought process reaching my higher thinking processes after emerging from my subconscious.

So as to my earlier postulation that being filled requires first a space that is empty i.e. a hole. As well as for us to pour out into others, it requires them to have a hole in their lives/hearts. So I think to myself where have others/when have others talked about holes and gaps and spaces, and I come to think of three type of people; Musicians, Poets and Scientists. Musicians often sing about the emptiness in their lives that keeps them unhappy -- refer back to definition of Gap, Poets talk about the space between themselves and their loved ones/lost loved ones or the space left in their lives after they leave -- refer back to definition of Space or Hole, and Scientists (some scientists) study and discuss the space between atoms, remember everything is made up of atoms, and yet there are vast 'spaces' between them -- again refer to definition of space.

Now again I ponder the differences, you must understand scientists tell us there are gaps between atoms, yet you and I aren't incomplete physically so is the definition of a gap wrong or is it fundamentally different in this scenario? Musicians also have gaps in their lives as we can determine from their dissatisfaction but isn't satisfaction really in the eye of the beholder? An orphaned African child on the verge of starvation would see the life of a pampered Musician without the gaps they so often sing of? Does this mean there aren't any gaps in the Musicians life or are gaps also relative?

Yes I am totally crazy, yes my mind thinks up the most strange things, and yes I do enjoy my ponderings and thinking.

Maybe by reading this you are one step closer to understanding the complex being that is Conor. Maybe you are so confused and still waiting for some kind of conclusion that you don't know if I'm clinically insane or just really bored...

Either way hope you enjoyed reading and I'll see you next time my faithful 3 readers... ha ha

C.

EXAM TIME!

2009-11-10T14:53:00.000+10:00

oh no, it's here again... the most dreaded time in a uni students life... EXAMS!!!

Why

2009-10-15T22:12:00.001+10:00

Why do i have to be like this?
why do i have to act like this?
why do i continue to do this again and again?
WHY!?

4.30am DEATH

2009-08-31T04:28:00.003+10:00

Well it is 4.30am and I am working on an assignment, I would have finished up by about 12am, but I like to make problems rather than do simple tasks, so what was less than 20 minutes to completion at 12am is still 20 minutes from completion at 4 freaking 30...

why.. oh why...

Do Not Be Anxious

2009-07-29T22:42:00.003+10:00

Do Not Be Anxious

Philippians 4:4-7 (New International Version)

⁴Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Do not be anxious, but trust in God with all your heart and soul. In fact rejoice in God and the peace He provides. Don’t let the weight of the world of your everyday lives get in the way of your walk, of your seeking Christ. Don’t be so worried about school tomorrow or that exam or assignment that driving lesson or shift at work. Our worries and anxieties weigh down on our hearts and minds, yet this scripture says to trust in God with all your hearts and minds, last night we talked a lot about surrender, the best way to trust in God with all your heart and all your mind is to Surrender to Him.

Instead “by PRAYER and PETITION, with THANKSGIVING, PRESENT your request TO GOD”

When you are going through something, relationally emotionally or personally REJOICE in the Lord, go to him in prayer, petition with Him and seek Him. God knows all the things that plague us and make life hard but He is a gentleman and He won’t jump in till you ask Him to!

Matthew 6:33 (English Standard Version)

³³But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. ³⁴Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

When you’re feeling stressed out, anxious or worried, don’t dwell on the problem, but seek God; the Solution. See God plans only the best for us, however for us to be ready for that we need to go through trials and like steel be rubbed together to sharpen one another, but do not lose hope for God says:

Jeremiah 29:11-12 (New International Version)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

To be ready for God’s plans for us we must be prepared , and like a butcher pounds meat with a mallet to tenderise and soften it, God sends trials and tribulations out way to beat us and tenderise us and make us surrender so much more to Him.

So I say to you; Seek God with ALL your HEART, take time away, focus on God, forget what’s troubling you and get into the Word, get into a Hillsong or Citipointe album and PRAY PRAY PRAY. If you don’t get an answer straight away don’t fret, just seek God and His Righteousness and rest in Him. To rest in God is to walk in God and the plan and purpose He wills for us, to do that we need to travel the path of God, but to do it alone is IMPOSSIBLE.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (New International Version)

⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

⁶ in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:11-12 (English Standard Version)

¹¹My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline
or be weary of his reproof,
¹²for the LORD reproves him whom he loves,
as a father the son in whom he delights.

Trusting in God can sometimes be tough, but as we know from the scripture if we trust in God with ALL OUR HEARTS and not our understanding God pulls through for us again and again. This camp we are on right now, Micheal and I haven’t planned a camp before; but we trusted in God and we have been blessed again and again. The bus, that was a hook up, the food you’ve been eating was mega cheap from Campbell’s, the fact you even have food is a hook up, those carwashes made us a decent amount of money all because we trusted in God and didn’t lean on what we understand and think.

Romans 15:13 (New International Version)

¹³May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

TRUST IN GOD --> OVERFLOW WITH HOPE --> PEACE OF GOD TO ENTER OUR HEARTS!

What we did was rest in the fact that this Cadre is of God, this camp is of God and we are of God, and we know that we can trust in God and know that without Him there wouldn’t be a cadre let alone a cadre camp.

John 14:27 (New International Version)

²⁷Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

The worlds peace is money and things, but God’s peace is Jesus Himself. He freely gave His life for us so we could have life and Peace and Hope!

Again here God says I give you MY PEACE, peace not like the world gives, but peace that settles our hearts, minds and spirits.

Peace, hope and Victory. We’ve already won the battle we just need to make our choice for which side we are on.

1 John 5:4 For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the Victory that has overcome the world – Our Faith.

So I tell you – rest in the Lord, be filled with hope and peace, do not be anxious, have faith – for it is in our faith that we have victory, not just over our anxieties, but everything that we put our hand to.

Broken Hearted or INCOMPLETE?

2009-07-13T01:04:00.005+10:00

broken hearted
–adjective
burdened with great sorrow, grief, or disappointment.

We often hear people use the term broken hearted, my hearts been broken; I'd like to explore the possibility that this is in correct, or not so much incorrect but misquoted or misused. Having finished a book about a brother who is constantly looking for something that will settle his heart and mind and fill this void in his life, I feel impressed upon to put my thoughts to words. The younger brother by the end of the book feels whole and complete, calmed and settled when his brother returns and his broken family is made whole again. But, for me, my train of thought after reading the last few lines was; his heart.
Some could have said he was broken hearted for his deserter brother, leaving the family at a loss and broken, but I believe it wasn't broken, his heart was INCOMPLETE. The younger brother character wasn't suffering from a broken heart but missing a vital piece of his heart, it was incomplete and caused his constant bewilderment and continuing discomfort in his own skin, family and situation. It was only when his brother was home and the relationships mended when he was made whole again, his heart made complete.
Almost immediately after this understanding dawned on me, I thought about his incomplete heart, like a puzzle, all the people and things of importance in his life like pieces all fitting together except for one part, a piece is missing and the puzzle is incomplete. And, as I had finished the book I realised the shape of the missing piece was his brother, but no not his brother, not entirely. The missing piece was the shape of his brother, and his family, but not just his family, but his family as a whole, complete and mended. The shape of the piece missing in his heart was his family together and happy and loving. But again I realise something, this isn't quite it, not fully; there is something underlying something more prevalent than a 'whole' family. With just all the pieces he can conceive together, his puzzle is ultimately still lacking.
And, it hits me. The final piece missing; its a God shaped piece, the reason it isn't immediately obvious is because with every other piece in place the puzzle -- remember the puzzle is the heart, looks complete; However on a closer inspection the puzzle is still lacking, it's lacking an edge, a framing piece which holds everything together, which provides a base and a supporting edge to which all the pieces fit within. With this God shaped hole missing in his heart, this younger brother ultimately won't have the happiness the current euphoria of his heart belies. When all the glitter falls and the initial shine fades, he's back where he always was and there is that something missing; you may have experienced this yourself, having everything you could want whether literally or sentimentally; but still lacking something.
If you have, you might just find that although all the pieces of the puzzle of your heart are there, the final piece that truly makes you a whole is missing. The only thing in this entire Universe capable of truly completing us is God, however the God shaped hole in our hearts is often disguised by our transient sense of completion, our feeling of having everything together, all the pieces of the puzzle, however upon closer inspection we always seem to be... incomplete.

Now tell me, how satisfied are you? how complete is your life? because you can lie to me, you can lie to your friends and family, you can even lie to yourself--your mind. But in the deepest recess of your heart of hearts, something is always missing, there is that God shaped piece missing in your heart shaped puzzle, ready to take the colour out of your world and the shine off that new car, the sound out of your new guitar and the love out of your new relationship; now your all wondering why the depressing turn, well it's all a means to an end; that end being the restoration, completion and perfection that is found in Jesus, in the God shaped piece of the puzzle your missing. An Item that can't be given, a love that can't be fathomed; God is the piece that'll always be missing until you call out for it, cry out to God, whether in seeking Him, from the depths of depression or the scorn of shame in your life, God gives Himself, freely and willingly to anyone who would earnestly seek Him.

Just how complete are you?

C.

Dependency

2009-06-23T22:35:00.005+10:00

Isn't it funny how we realise how dependant we are on those who are dependant on us?
NO?
Well maybe it's just me then,
I have found that recently I have missed having people depend on me for different things.
This dependency on others being dependent on me was a bit of a shock.
Not to mention a brain teaser;
If I am dependent on those dependent on me, who is the reliable one?
I think we both are, in a co-dependency relation,
we are both equally dependent on the other.

Transient

2009-06-05T13:52:00.005+10:00

Transient

adj.

Passing with time; transitory: “the transient beauty of youth” (Lydia M. Child).
Remaining in a place only a brief time: transient laborers.
Physics. Decaying with time, especially as a simple exponential function of time.

When thinking of transience we often think about time and focus on the passing of time as defined above, but how about the transience that is happiness.

Andrew "Crighty" Crichton a good friend postulates that happiness like time is fleeting, transient and forever changing. He discussed that living life to meet our goal of happiness is as I would say running around in circles, as we all set a goal of happiness then in our attempt to meet that goal achieve what we think to be happiness only to redefine happiness and we are immediately bored with our level of happiness. To be a whole lot less convoluted, to be happy is possible to achieve happiness is impossible as it becomes the norm.

While chatting with Crighty I often ponder about not so much the meaning of life but what life means to us. What is life, what is a happy life, what is a full life, what does it mean to have life? I don't usually come to a conclusion and as you would understand there may not be a conclusion, like happiness it may simply be a cycle of fulfilling life goals and setting more.. a never ending cycle of achieving setting and achieving.

A few things I find that in a sense define life and the fulfilment of life are:

-God
-Love
-Friends
-Family

These areas or aspects of life come together to build the foundations of what I feel life is and should be like.

God:

God comes into life for me as the Alpha and Omega, that is the beginning and end of life; God creates life and has an appointed time when to end our lives. In between I see it as kind of fuzzy, as Lachlan Jones states "To Know Christ is our souls purpose" I believe one of our lives purposes primarily our most crucial is to seek God and His kingdom, to seek personal relationship with Jesus. This IS ideally the cornerstone of my life, to seek and know Christ as intimatly as possible, to love Him with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. This ties in majorly with the next aspect which is:

Love:

Love is another major aspect of our lives but mine especially as, by loving God and loving others I can create a life and a person that I, (in myself) can love. Again like time and life Love is fleeting and never static, it is always varying and unstable, until I look to God who is Love, and I see an unwavering and unimaginable example to which I can strive to. As above and again now, the next topic also is almost derived from love;

Friendship:

Friendship like Love is integral and neccessary in a life worth living, in a full life. Frienship i see is like a dirivative of Love, sometimes can encompass love completely friendship is a necessity in life, companionship and comradery. How can one love without at least liking something or someone, creating friendships can often be footstools to love. Whether romantic or platonic, friendship is a stepping stone to love.

Family:

To me family involves Love, but mostly friendship. Whether I am still emotionally immature or I am emotionally distant to my family, I find our relationship is borderline none existant at times spanning to almost platonic love, but what I do know firmly is it's key role in the completeness amd fullness of Life.

As I have broken down above, you can see the 4 aspects of my life that I see as integral in the formation and completion of a full Life. However it is often when we define a full life or define happiness that it becomes more illusive and unnatainable, so I don't dare say that these 4 aspects equate to a complete and full life, only that they in unision make what I could see as a complete life.

C.

...??

2009-03-23T23:19:00.003+10:00

What do we do when all we have are questions...
When we are so confused we are confused about what we are confused about...
?

Love?

2009-02-26T16:48:00.006+10:00

It's a curious emotion, Love. What is it? How does it come about? If we look at it Biochemically:

Dopamine is created in the caudate nucleus and is spread throughout the brain.

This neurotransmitter is linked with the part of the brain related to reward and pleasure.

So that's the mechanics of love but what about the emotional side?

Shakespeare talks of a love unaffected by time, "when the body and mind, being finite languish in time, love remains true and ever-young."

We see here that emotionally love is strong and transcends even the most powerful force bar God in the universe, TIME. So when we feel the emotion love, it can strengthen, give hope and serve to keep us firmly orientated towards the object of our love.

So to combine Emotional and Biochemical definitions and ideas of love, Love is:

The emotion that stems from the sense of reward and pleasure released with the neurotransmitter dopamine. It, unlike the neurotransmitters that instigates the chemical which supports the emotional can transcend time, yet if it can transcend time unlike the body, how is the emotion love continually produced as the body in which the chemical reaction occurs has become decrepit and old and eventually dies?

And I come to the conclusion that Love is NOT produced by a neurotransmitter in our brains, love is NOT an emotion that transcends time and the ever progressing decay of our bodies. Love is..... God.

GOD IS LOVE!

God is the only 'thing' that can transcend time and produce an emotion within us and our flawed and finite bodies, as God is eternal, therefore so is Love.

Don't agree with me? Doesn't matter, my opinion, your opinion Joe Blogger's opinion all don't come to mean anything, the only thing that matters is Love.. is God. =)

C.

That happy place between sleep and awake

2009-02-23T23:36:00.003+10:00

Don't you love when your really tired but not tired enough for bed
when your alert but can't really form a logical or normal sentence
don't you just LOVE when it's that time of night
and everything anyone says is hysterically funny!? I do.
Was just at a mates house giggling over him ballroom dancing the front door as
I attempted to get out a well formed sentence, he wasn't listening,
I wasn't speaking English he started dancing and we both started giggling...
ah so good! =)

Growth

2009-02-18T11:59:00.006+10:00

For anyone who doesn't know me,
I DON'T do early mornings, hell, just saying 6am used to give me shivers,
But I had a little revelation this morning.
It went like this I had all my alarms set for 4:50am
So I can get up for this awesome prayer meeting with Adam
And some other awesome dudes.
So its about 4.20 and I'm asleep and my phone starts going off!
But it isn't my alarm/ringtone.. it's my message tone,
So now your all guessing what my reaction to this is...
@#*&#(*$*@(*#&%$((*@(!&$@*!(*$!@&$
Well actually it wasn't! SHOCK HORROR.
It was of disappointment!
The prayer meeting is canceled!
So I turn off my alarms and go to sleep.
So back to the actual point of this blog,
So I finally wake up of my own accord and as I lay there in my
post slumber haze,
I realise... HOLY CRAP!
I was disappointed because I DIDN'T have to wake up at 4:50!
WHAT THE!?
And there it is the revelation of Growth,
God is doing a work in me and shaping me and molding me,
and guess what!? I'm liking it!
I like who I am becoming as opposed to who I was!

The bible says God will NOT, not finish a work within you.
Meaning anything He starts He will finish.
And this EXCITES me!
I can't wait to see what He has in store for me!

University Holidays and Boredom

2009-02-18T00:14:00.006+10:00

I have found that I can't handle having four months
to entertain myself, having left myself to my own devices for almost
four months now I do wonder how I have been allowed to live,
I simply eat and sleep and waste the family's downloads.

In all my life I haven't been so un-mentally stimulated,
IT HURTS!
give me something to sink my mental fangs into.

well I don't need to fear going insane as I always was
AND
University is back in a bit over 2 weeks.
and:
I.
AM.
THRILLED.

Stretching out unused Fingers

2009-02-17T23:19:00.004+10:00

Due to a certain someones persuasion I have started to blog again.
Oh dear.
The familiar feel of the keys as I stroke my way to rant heaven.
The almost nostalgic feeling of emotional swell for no particular reason
except that I am opening up again.
The constant wondering, "Will someone actually read this, will it be liked?"

Oh No.
I'm hooked!
I can't wait to just open my heart and stretch out my once benched fingers.

Blogging, I have returned.

Oh.
Dear.